How Do I Know If They Are “The One”?

How Do I Know If They Are “The One”?

All my single ladies (and men)! Where are you at?? Are you getting yourself ready for marriage?  When it comes to dating, do you often wonder “how do I know they are “The One”? I’m sure you have asked yourself questions like:

  • How do I know God’s will for my life?
  • Who does God want me to marry?
  • Are they going to be attractive?
  • Will they workout often and want me to workout too?
  • Are they spiritual?
  • Is the person I’m with a blessing or a burden?

These are just a few of the random questions that plague our minds when we are single and contemplating marriage (and some maybe on their second or third). There is nothing wrong with taking great thought into marriage and who we are dating. However, I must warn you, our thoughts and questions become a problem  when we allow our emotions or our friends to bring clarity rather than praying and waiting on Jesus to give us direction.

“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.” (Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬)

I am a single woman and I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me being single, as long as I am using my singleness to honor Jesus. Meaning, I’m honoring God through my inward (thoughts and desires) and outward (actions, entertainment, dressing, etc.) behaviors. There’s also nothing wrong with being in a relationship if I’m using that relationship to glorify Jesus and not turning that person into an idol (you know, like skipping church or Bible study to be with them). Quite honestly, this applies for all types of relationships that we have in our lives, including friendships. But when you are on the dating scene, we must remember that whoever we date/marry will influence our spiritual walk. Maybe you missed that so I’ll say it again for anyone who didnt’ get that…


Basically, if you’re pursuing Jesus, then like-minded people will be drawn towards you; if you’re a lustful person, then that kind of person will be drawn to you. It is not God’s will for you to be with anyone holding on to the world. You two will be going in opposite directions if either one chooses to remain lukewarm or unsaved. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Wait on someone you can pursue Jesus with. Wait for the type of person that will protect your beliefs and encourage you to seek Christ. Committing to someone that doesn’t love God is only setting you up for a dead end relationship.

For those wondering how good looking their spouse will be…of course the person you marry will be attractive to you (inside and/or outside). God knows that you will see more than their spiritual walk. Keep in mind, everyone who is attractive to you or is interested in you is not always the right option for you. That six pack isn’t a strong enough foundation for marriage. Those curves may look nice, but they do not raise your children or determine if someone respects you.

You want to know how to tell whether someone is “God’s will” for you? Seek God for yourself! If you don’t know truth, a lie will always deceive you. “All men/women are the same”...We’ve all heard it before, but the reason they’ll keep ending up with those types is because they haven’t surrounded themselves with God. Evil can’t stand in God’s presence, so the more you seek Jesus, the more you’ll see Him weed out the bad influences in your life.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:” (John‬ ‭10:27)

Just because we believe in Jesus does not mean we have a relationship with Him. God wants us to keep coming close to Him. We can’t be satisfied with where we are. The closer we get to Jesus is the further we are from distractions, and that’s definitely the easier way to recognize when something isn’t God’s will. If someone comes along trying to get you to do the opposite of what God is telling you, then there is no way that God wants you to be with them.

Think about it, your heart is too valuable to just jump into marriage when you’re not prepared for it. Rushing will lead our vulnerable hearts into sin, brokenness and wasted time (believe me, I know). Choose today to be patient, wait on God to lead you and not our emotions that can easily change. His timing is perfect.

Submitted by Alicia Petty, Communications Specialist